paradisaooc | HOW'S MY DRIVING?

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HOW'S MY DRIVING?

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The World Ends With You: Raimu "Rhyme" Bito -

rhymebell
Loss: Memories of the Reaper's Game and memories of her brother
Canon Point: After game
Notes: She just got off a Noise loss, and she'll be getting kidnapped sometime during the Ritful plot!
Specific Crit Requests: Just crit me on anything. Please tell me if I suck.

Durarara!!: Sonohara Anri -

chatroomnurse
Loss: Ability to order 'children'/infect people with Saika
Canon Point: Episode 24
Notes: I feel odd throwing Anri into threads, mostly because she's a bit on the anti-social side and she didn't exactly make lots of friends- people in canon that she was friends with always talked to her first, except in the case of Mikado, but he was a class representative.
Specific Crit Requests: I think I might be making her too talkative about Saika and the like. Any thoughts?

First off, I do love your Rhyme. She acts like any younger sibling who's had to take on the responsibility of taking care of things. You're doing it right with her from what I remember of TWEWY, too.

As for Anri... I don't remember Durarara!! too well, but I do remember that she can seem rather parasitic/apathetic in her friendships and in general--in that she does things if it has a benefit for her which can be hard to show, but can be done through action. So my advice is to try and toss her into action threads more than journal threads unless she has met them already?

Yeah, you're right about Anri. I think I'll try that. Thanks you for the crit!

So this is kind of a weird crit, because I don't actually know Rhyme's canon or what her character is supposed to be like. So I may have this entirely backwards, and it's totes up to you whether you want to count this as legit or not.

But in Zelman's conversations with Rhyme, she seems very unaffected by things. It feels like suspicious activity, less-than-friendly characters, and compromising situations just bounce right off of her, rather than her really reacting to these things. For example, during the comic book plot, Rhyme didn't act the least bit concerned that all of her private thoughts might be on display for total strangers--she acted exactly like she usually does, which seems strange to me.

I think I've seen this when she interacts with other villain-types as well. Regardless of how these characters act or what they say, she mostly approaches it with the same friendly and fluffy attitude she approaches all things with (with exceptions lying mostly around when she's in mortal peril).

Again, I press that I'm not versed in her canon, so maybe this is how she really is--! And if that's the case, then this is totally my bad. But if it isn't the case, then I would love to see a little bit of variation in how she reacts to things, especially if she's faced with things outside of the norm.

This probably won't come out the way I want it to, but here goes!

You are right... in a sense. I should get Rhyme to react a bit more to situations that look sketchy, but, in her canon, she's thrown into a life-or-death game, and she seems to be very hopeful about the whole thing. She does have moments where she is sad or scared by things, but for most of the time, she is pretty cheerful. Then again, she isn't ever seen to interact with the villains of the game, since she dies before that has a chance to happen. She is smart though, for her age, and should be realizing these things more. She is just friendly to everyone in the game, so that's why she hasn't picked up on Zelman yet. But I do see where you are coming from.

As for the whole unaffected by the comic book plot, she wasn't really all that concerned because she didn't think she had anything to hide- part of her optimism.

I plan to canon review her a bit because she's versed in adages but I'm not sure where to put them in terms of speaking, so I'll look for that, too. Thanks for giving me crit!

And sorry if this came out weird, and this is the wrong account.

All right, that makes total sense! Especially if she's the sort of character that's been faced with Big Stakes Danger sort of situations before. That gives me some more perspective as to why she reacts to things the way she does.

Thanks for the consideration, and no worries. Keep rockin'! :>

I think you're a really good tagger, you always backtag and you're quite quick to reply, so it's nice to thread with you :)

Thank you! I love her threads with Tamaki. He is very cute and all, but Rhyme will never really like being called anything but Rhyme.

Hi, I don't know Anri at all so I can't really discuss her at all. I do have some things on Rhyme though. I don't mean to attack you as a person or player so I apologize in advance if things come off as harsh.

My main thing is that Rhyme can come off as very... flat sometimes. I know she's a mature, sedate young girl, but sometimes it seems like she doesn't really react to what characters are doing to her in a thread - young girls can certainly be contained, calm and collected, but Rhyme can get annoyed too, excited, even a bit angry (even if she controls these emotions!). Controlling them doesn't mean she's not feeling them. And showing them in a thread doesn't mean giving her dramatic outbursts - you can play emotions more subtly than that. Biting her lip, displaying worry or downcast features, or even just leaving a conversation more abruptly than she normally would if a character is rude, all of that kind of stuff makes her more expressive. I'm thinking particularly of her threads with characters like Zim in this case. He is really outright rude and belittling of her and she might not hold it against him as a major grudge but I doubt Rhyme would put up with that kind of treatment either.

Secondly, in events like the pirate plot, Rhyme might be a mature young girl but she's still a little girl - I'd put her as thirteen at the MOST, probably more like 11 or 12 in game, as kind of the point of her character is that she's quite young but very mature for her age. At any rate, during the pirate plot, Rhyme acted like she was 20 and had seen it all before, not like a bright, curious girl exposed to something new. Again, being sedate doesn't mean she should never express enthusiasm or curiosity for things or even get herself into a little trouble. I guess I would like to see more emotion out of her than simple pleasantness. She doesn't have to have emotional outbursts, but she does have feelings.

Lastly, I question why you'd choose to involve her in things like the Riful plot, especially when Dolly specifically specified that no children should be allowed. That's a seriously traumatic event, and is going to stress out characters beyond Rhyme's most immediate CR just because she is so young and vulnerable. Why do you want to do this with her character?

On not so much a crit front, I noticed you haven't filled up all her icon spaces and wondered if it was because you have trouble finding images to fill her spaces. I have a Rhyme account with icons here (http://www.livejournal.com/allpics.bml?user=barfs-rainbows) and links to the comms where I found them, if you wanted more of a selection!

Anyway I am glad you are enjoying the game and it's fun to see your girls around, especially since Rhyme is such a rarely-played character, and I hope none of the above points come across too harsh.

First off, I'd like to thank you very much for your crit.

About your first point, I understand where you're coming from. I know Rhyme has to have all of these emotions, but I'm having a hard time figuring out how she would show all of them. In game, all I've seen is her hanging her head for a few seconds when she's sad, and I did have an icon for that, but I changed it at some point for some reason I don't remember. Personally, I think a lot about her ends up being headcanon because of what little is really shown of her in the game.

About the pirate plot, I really have nothing to say. I have a hard time seeing Rhyme getting herself into trouble if Beat isn't around. I can see her getting curious, and she did that during the pirate plot when the skull was being found and all that. Her maturity is something I should work on, and balancing it with being childish.

As for your last point, the reason why I chose to get her involved in that part of the plot is because I feel she needs to gain a bit on that kind of stuff. To me, right now she's a bit too trusting of shady characters and the such, despite how she is. I plan to have her learn how to fight- I don't really care for how she is at the moment, but I feel the only way to get her to want to learn how to fight is for her or her friends getting hurt. I've cleared it with her CR, so I think that should be fine on that front, but thank you for your concern.

AND THE ICONS OMG. I really have a hard time finding icons for her. Thank you!

I hope that didn't come off too harsh or belittling. If you have any pointers for me or things like that, we can IM or keep going here. Thank you again for this, I appreciate it.

Thanks for your thoughtful response ♥

Anyway, playing subtle can sometimes be hard. To work on that, I'd suggest maybe writing some fanfic with her - just brief things, even, with her in everyday situations, focusing on specific feelings and playing with figuring out how those feelings are expressed from the outside. Writing yourself a little more deeply into her head might be a help in Paradisa, where really we write in a very condensed way a lot of the time with action tags. Practice will always help! Also, if you notice characters like her in other mediums, maybe observe how their responses to things are portrayed, it could also help. I realize it can be tough to do this kind of thing.

Anyway, that was really all I wanted to say, and I wish you good luck and hope you enjoy those icons :)

/enjoys icons

No, thank you for the crit. I like to know how or where I need to improve, that's always really helpful to me.

You've accepted all crit really gracefully. Practice will make things better, and we all have things to work on, not just you. Good luck!

I hope that this does not come off as a personal attack or anything of the sort because it's meant to be a far cry from that, but I sincerely apologize if it does! Not all words live up to their intentions, after all.

First off, I would like to say that I overall like your Rhyme but I have concerns about some things. Mainly these involve her involvements in plots and losses. Her constant involvement in dangerous situations (such as the Noise loss and now the Riful plot) is putting a lot of stress and worry on Neku and as his player it's hard and stressful for me as well. However I did give the okay on her involvement in the Riful plot because I believe in, to a large extent, rp being something that throws the characters a lot of things to deal with and it's up to the players and the character to deal with those happenings. I am concerned however that the Riful plot is sending it into a bit of overload.

I think that there's a nice line to walk of putting your character in crappy situations and I know from personal experience of crossing that line that it's very easy to do so. Especially for young characters like Rhyme. I would simply urge you to carefully consider so many harmful events in such a short period of time in the future. In a place like here there seem to be no shortage of them and maybe things like the Riful plot, which did state against children, should be given a miss for perhaps a more lighthearted event or one at a later date.

I read your response to the crit given below and I would say only that I believe Rhyme has enough drive from her maturity and her personality to be able to learn how to fight without the motivation of getting hurt or her friends getting hurt. We see that in her willingness to push Beat out of the way in the game. This, however, is entirely my personal opinion and she is your character to play. After all, you're the one who wrote the app. :)

The last thing I have to say crit wise is that I do not agree with the way she handled the Noise loss aftermath. She understands that Neku is upset over the unintentional harm he has done to her and if she is really as hurt as it seems she is then I do not think she would let him see that. It's only making him more upset over things and I think she would be smart enough to realize this and just talk to him over the journal until she is relatively uninjured. Once again though this is just my opinion.

Other than that I do enjoy playing with your Rhyme and I hope we have more good times in the future!

Thank you for your crit, and I really hope this doesn't come off as an attack or anything like that. I would just like to say things to your points as a way to further my understanding and the like.

After reading your crit, I have decided to pull Rhyme out of the kidnapping- you're right. I guess I was so excited to have her be able to be in a plot that I jumped without thinking. So, I thank you for that, and I hope that I haven't messed things up too much with our CR and I'm sorry for all the stress I've given you.

As for Beat getting pushed in the game, I personally believe there's more reason than just her maturity- knowing that he could possibly get Erased, and that he had dreams that he had to fulfill, she pushed him out of the way so he could do just that.

As for the Noise aftermath, I think the reason why I threw her at Neku is because, at least in game, she has a realitivily hard time lying and she was hoping that by showing him that she is pretty okay (not really, really hurt but to some extent, yes she is hurt) and that he doesn't have to imagine how hurt she is or otherwise.

Thank you for your consideration on the Riful plot. And don't worry too much about it, if it was really a big problem I would have contacted you before this popped up, but hey, I guess this is what hmds are for!

That's true, I had forgotten about that angle. Thanks for reminding me. :)

And I can see that point of view on the Noise aftermath as well. That was just a small thing I had thought about too.

Thank you once again for being so receptive to all this! It's really a joy to play with a mature player like yourself.

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HOW'S MY DRIVING?

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