(no subject)

[superheroine]

Important Post and Discussion Opportunity
re: HMD, hostility and anonymous

At first this was going to be another mod post written from the sometimes-distant "we" that makes up the mod team, but I had a change of heart when I began to write it. Instead, I am posting this as a personal appeal, written as a mun, as a mod, and most importantly, as someone who loves this game through good or bad. Both Fudgey and Kayla have given their blessings and support on this, and we all feel it needs to be said like this, not sugar-coated, with complete honesty. I think it should be read by everyone, regardless of whether or not you feel you have contributed to either issue or not.

This is not about blaming anyone, or pointing fingers. It is just something that I think we all need to consider. I want everyone to evaluate their own behaviour, and their own behaviour alone.

So, before I digress too much:

On Monday, two things happened.

First, some discussion broke out on rpanoncomm about how welcoming Paradisa is to new players. As I understand it, we had new players and old players on both sides of the issue. Many feel that the game is increasingly unwelcome to new players, while others believe that Paradisa is very welcoming. I will preface my writing on this subject with the note that I do not feel it is my job, or any mod's job, to police or enact consequences on anything said on non-Paradisa communities. Any time any of us spend on rpanoncomm , roleplaysecrets or any similar communities remove us from our position as moderator: once you leave the sandbox, we are not responsible for you.

However, I am addressing this for two very specific reasons:

a) What could have been a productive and interesting discussion was ruined by hostility.
b) Despite being a game full of sensible and friendly muns, Paradisa now looks like the watering hole for name-slinging, drama-mongering jerks.

Think back to the last time you had a discussion. Maybe you were anxious. Maybe you were excited. Maybe you were optimistic, but worried about what would come of it. If your last discussion went well and everyone was happy in the end, it was probably a very good experience.

If it didn't go well, I promise the presence of one (if not both) things: hostility and incivility.

In a discussion about friendliness and welcoming new muns, being hostile or uncivil is basically the best way to make absolutely everyone feel justified in believing Paradisa to be unfriendly and unwelcoming. It confirms people's worries about us, and worse yet, it gives them grounds to perpetuate a stereotype Paradisa has fumbled under for four years. The worst of all? No one benefits from it. People might get a place to vent, but ultimately, we are no closer to a solution.

In the three-plus years I have been in this game, despite our occasional squabbles, I have never once considered this game to be overall an unfriendly or unwelcoming place. But I also know that we're all human, lines get crossed, and that miscommunication runs rampant at times: just because we do not intend to be unwelcoming or unfriendly, does not mean that we aren't coming across as unwelcoming or unfriendly to some people. Nobody in this game is psychic –– we don't know what anyone else's intentions are until it's too late.

I am choosing to look at it this way: if someone comes to me and tells me that they feel I have been ostracizing them and making them feel unwelcome, it really doesn't matter my excuses are. It may be true that I am busy, or that I didn't notice their post, or that I didn't intend to do it, but because they feel that they have been hurt by my neglect, it would be inappropriate of me to ignore them, or brush off their feelings with excuses. With both feet in the community, a good relationship with other players, and never hurting for CR, I cannot be justified in blaming people who don't have that position for feeling the way they do.

Looking at new muns and saying things like "I am tired of doing introduction posts" and expecting other people to be the welcome wagon all the time is exactly that. It may be true that you are tired of the same intros over and over again, but a little extra effort means a lot to the person on the other end. Even if the character is tired of doing intros, give them a sympathetic moment where they're in the mood to. The turnover rate would be quickly fixed if the effort to include and welcome new players was immediately redoubled. If every new player felt welcome, then maybe we'd have more lasting characters and more muns, and thus more friends both IC and OOC.

I cannot make any of you play with anyone else, but I do want everyone (whether they feel they have contributed to this "unfriendliness" or not) to at least consider what it's like to feel ignored and then have those feelings brushed off and directly ignored. It sucks. It really sucks. Extend a hand out to someone who needs it, or someone who wants it. 





The second issue concerned non-constructive criticism on a mun that carried over from HMD to rpanoncomm and then back to HMD and then back, again, to rpanoncomm . While the details are irrelevant now, I would like to address HMD and the proper conduct for it, because what happened was both incredibly rude and horribly unproductive.

Take a look at this hierarchy:


courtesy Wikipedia :) 

When giving critique, ask yourself this: where do you think your critique falls on the hierarchy? Where does the other person think your critique falls? Again, there is an element of intention vs perception, but have you let emotion colour your point?

HMD is meant to be productive. In the past six months, productive discussion has degraded to personal attacks and unnecessary exchange between unrelated parties three times. It is stressful to be a victim of, it is stressful to moderate, and sometimes it is even stressful to watch. As I said above: the worst of all is that no one benefits from it. People might get a place to vent, but ultimately, we are no closer to a solution.

We're all here to play and have fun. We run HMDs to help smooth out and improve our writing, characterization, and storytelling abilities. Sometimes, we may disagree on what requires work and what doesn't, but we are not in the business of driving people out because of differing opinions, or creating an environment of hostility and defensiveness for any party. We aren't in the business of shaming or intimidating people to do things a particular way, either –– we want to come to a consensus on something.

In all cases, it is better to take the high road. It may feel good to vent and let loose, but it is very important to step away and cool down when we feel that we might be emotionally compromised. Approaching any situation with a level head often changes our perspectives of a situation drastically. If you feel tense, angry, stressed, sick, upset, etc, over a situation, take a break. Wind down for a bit. While anonymity may seem like an excellent opportunity to vent without having to take responsibility for the words we post, others are hurt in the process... and we often feel like jerks in hindsight.

Remember what the Disney rabbit said: "If you can't say anything nice, don't say it at all." And Thumper's mama didn't mean "nice" as in "all positive all the time." She meant you had to speak nicely. You can make a point and still be civil and polite. Want another popular saying? "You get more flies with honey than with vinegar." How about another? "Treat others as you wish to be treated." May I go on? "Respect begets respect." I think I've made my point.

Think about this, too: anonymous doesn't win by majority, because anonymous cannot be fairly counted. It doesn't matter if ten thousand anonymous on multiple communities all agree on something; what matters is how convincing and valid the point is. And if the point is convincing and valid, it doesn't need ANYONE chiming in with "I agree with this." It can stand on its own two legs as-is.

As a community, we are only as strong as our ability to work together, whether we're playing out a plot, running an HMD, or simply threading out a scene. We owe each other good etiquette if we want to maintain and improve our environment.

We will not be turning off the Anonymous feature yet –– to continue the rabbits analogy, this Good Fairy considers next HMD Little Bunny Foo-Foo's very last chance, and then you're all getting turned into goons anonymous will be turned off for a while. How long? Who knows. But we do know that if things get out of hand again, the privilege of using anonymous will be taken away, and the HMD will be friends-locked to members of the community.



Thank you very much for reading; it is very appreciated.




This post is open to discussion on both issues, however, the standard rule applies:

a) This is not about any specific individual. Any comment speaking about or on the behalf of another will be summarily screened and frozen. Everyone speaks for themselves here.

b) Common courtesy applies. Hostility, name-calling and accusations will not be tolerated. Remember the rabbits.

Comments

[bogusmagic.livejournal.com]

In regards to making new players feel more welcome, maybe doing what daisychain did and starting up and OOC welcoming committee is something to consider? The details of it are here (http://daisychainmods.livejournal.com/11259.html#cutid1). I'm not sure if something like this has been brought up before, but maybe more communication OOCly between new and old players (more than just the chat) would help more cr happen ICly.

[superheroine]

Sounds like a cool idea. We'd have to see how many people are interested in doing it, and find someone to organize/maintain it. Any thoughts from everyone else on this?

[save-the-souls.livejournal.com]

I like this idea :|b

[plonks.livejournal.com]

Noooo! Not goons! DB

That aside, this was a lovely (and sadly probably much needed) post, Jenn. Here's to hoping it really does help people take action both to welcome in newer players more (I know I need to do that more myself) and to keep that nifty pyramid in mind when giving crit on the HMD.

R-random, but just out of curiosity did you make that or did you find it somewhere? :o

[superheroine]

GOONS D<

Thank you :)

I didn't make that, no, but I saw it in my Essay Writing class last semester and hunted it down –– managed to find a copy on Wikipedia. It's really useful aksljdlasda.

[cloakand_danger]

Thank you, for addressing this politely and maturely. I'll try to be more aware of my actions in the future, and to make newcomers feel more welcome.

[superheroine]

You're welcome, and thank you :)

[maces.livejournal.com]

Cheers, Jenn.

[orz-woeisme.livejournal.com]

While I admit a lot of things certainly went awry with what happened, I'm a firm believer in that good can come from anything--and however how small it is, seeing how people felt about the cliquey-ness of paradisa and how unwelcoming it felt sometimes really made me think about my own activity and how often I reach out to welcome them.

I think that despite everything that happened it's still allowed us a better look into how mistreated some people here feel, and I've resolved to work harder to make people feel more accepted here as a result--and I think the same is quite true for some other people here in Para too.

It may be small and tiny, but every cloud should have a silver lining right? I think you're absolutely amazing for writing this Jenn, and honestly I do think that the Three Strike rule is a very good way to handle it (however regrettable it is that we've depreciated to the point as muns at Paradisa where we need that sort of rule). Flocking the HMD I also agree with...even if doing so gets rid of the anon feature. It would be nice if LJ would let you register IP addresses for a comm's flist. Oh well.

[advocacies.livejournal.com]

same for me! all these comments about cliques and feeling outcasted in game have made me evaluate my own activity and how often i actually reach out to new characters/player, which obviously, needs a huge improvement. as harsh as it ended up, it all stemmed from somewhere. :(

[save-the-souls.livejournal.com]

thank you for posting it. It was very well worded and brought up a lot of good points.

Mulling over the whole newbie welcome thing (since I've certainly been guilty of not replying to intro posts out of tiredness of repeating the same explanation) - maybe a good compromise is that either some character or some IC welcoming committee (they have existed in the past!) could make pamphlets that explains the basics about Paradisa and put them in every empty room? That way people have the OPTION of having their character read that (or be yelled at to read it by someone like Asuka whose voice I can hear right now...) instead of going through the intro thing (or they can use the pamphlet to have characters notice things that are not necessarily covered by the mun doing the introduction that the new mun/character might react more heavily too). That way their intro and the comments that go on can vary a bit more than someone lost and confused (or maybe some pamphlets have errors where they are as badly written as a VCR manual, WHO KNOWS).

And if people still want to do the Paradisa 101 talk, their character can easily be like "WHY CAN"T YOU JUST EXPLAIN IT TO ME?! THIS PAMPHLET LOOKS LONG AND DOESN'T HAVE EXPLOSIONS AND YOU'RE RIGHT THERE DISEMBODIED VOICE SO JUST EXPLAIN TO ME OKAY D:"

Plus that might fix the whole issue of those characters who are always like "I read the journal and got all the info before making my first post". Since this always confuses me since...each page is an entry so that would be about...oh 48,265 pages with no table of contents or markers to where the paradisa info is..../scratches chin

IDK, good idea/bad idea/gtfo?

[continuing.livejournal.com]

Asuka would definitely yell at everyone to read and suddenly sound 80% more German.

I know an IC welcome committee has been brought up elsewhere (I think it was Boobs!) and I'm not sure if anyone's ever mentioned it before, but there can maybe be a monthly little HEY EVERYONE WHO LANDED HERE THIS MONTH, LET'S HAVE A LITTLE PARTY. Nothing huge, and it could just be a little party post (or IC meme sort of thing... WHAT'S YOUR NAME? FAVORITE COLOR? etc thing) that a welcoming committee member could toss up at the end of the month for some mingling, sort of like the host club stuff. There are lots of IC possibilities with this!

Committee members could drag/beg antisocial characters to show up at least once to get some CR rolling B(

[beltbucklerebel.livejournal.com]

Thank's for putting this out there, Jenn. It was really disappointing to see some of what was going on this round, and I'm glad to see proof that we really are better than that, as a community.

[lyntergalactic]

I don't really have anything to add, but I just have to say that I really admire you guys for addressing this and then doing it in this fashion. So thank you for being fantastic mods and doing what you do. ♥


Also. That is a fantastic chart, I'm right-click-save-as-ing that.

[onlyanapple.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much for addressing this, Jenn. It was saddening to see the whole thing going down, and this really needed to be said.

[fiveby-five.livejournal.com]

Thank you. Really. &hearts I feel that after last go, this was incredibly needed.

We could always establish an IC and an OOC welcoming committee, possibly with differing muns in each so there's a larger pool?

I wish I still played Misa because she would make newbie mixers. :( But on that note, I think there could also be periodic opt-in events that put newbies and oldbie together? LIKE...mixers or some random joint loss where you need to three leg race. Or get locked in a cage with a lion and use teamwork to survive. OR SOMETHING.

[bogusmagic.livejournal.com]

Or get locked in a cage with a lion and use teamwork to survive.

I want that to be an actual opt-in mod event now.

[apocashrriipp.livejournal.com]

QFT Dude. QFT <3

[my-six-hearts.livejournal.com]

Firstly - I'm now adding "get over fear of intro posts" to my new year resolutions list. I've always avoided the first posts of muses-- not because I'm tired of that dance, but because I have a weird...thing about it. I've tried to hit them up on their second post instead, but... yeah. That's still shitty of me to do, and it's no excuse. Doesn't help that I play a bunch of ass hats that are too self-absorbed or socially retarded to greet newbies, but that doesn't mean that I can't push my creativity a little bit to figure out a way. So, in other words: POINT TAKEN! orz

Secondly - On the topic of things that make us feel unwelcome: I have to admit that I twitch a little when I see chat brought up, especially in the context of things that we are expected or assumed to know because it was brought up in chat. I... am not, nor will I ever be, a chat person. (and I'm not trying to pick on Paradisa chat; my problems with it are shared in all game chats I've visited.) I'm not going to harp on those right now however, because I know that those issues are most likely my own problems-- but what I do want to say is that it makes even me feel out of the loop when I hear chat things brought up in a way that makes it seem like I 'should' have been there. Whether that's actually the case or not, it's how I have often felt, and I know that I'm not the only one. I don't know what exactly it is that I'm whining about... whether it's to try and work on a way to better out-of-chat communication or... something. I don't know. I didn't really have an end point. Just bringing up something from my own experiences on this topic and maybe see if there's anything worthwhile to discuss about it. idk idk /o\

And lastly - Thank you so much for putting a post like this up. I can't imagine a better way to handle this-- pulling it out into light in the most fair and rational way possible. Great way to rally the troops, pull us all together as a team.

[dusk.livejournal.com]

Unfortunately, it's difficult to come by something more convenient than a group chat, because it's a place where a lot of people can be instantaneously chatting with each other. I sincerely doubt anyone was intending to make you feel like you should have been there -- but regardless, I'll try to think of some other solutions in terms of out of chat communication like maybe ... an open chat post on the OOC/YYPL? Like I said, it's a bit difficult to beat an AIM chat in terms of a place for several muns to hang out and plot together ... :|a Maybe more frequent CR/plot memes?

[oathprotector.livejournal.com]

I've been in and out of this game for three years, and I've seen some good times and some bad times here. Still, I love this place and could never badmouth it. I know that Paradisa has gone through a lot, and I'd like to say that you mods have handled things very well. You're responsible and hard-working, and you treat this game like a family. It makes me proud to be here.

I'm gonna do my best, personally, to bring a little more help to the newbies. I've had a problem with that in every game I've ever played in, but I know that's just me. I can get over it, and I will.

[ruined-jaw.livejournal.com]

I don't really have much to say on this, but I can see the validity of both sides of the argument.

As for immaturity within rp anon comms and things like that. I purposely choose to ignore them and not participate, because I don't particularly care how the overall LJ community as a whole sees me, both as a mun, and my individual active characters. The only thing I care about is how the players of this game like me, and like my characters. I like to think myself amiable enough to be approached directly when a person has a problem with the way I do things, and indeed, the few times other players HAVE had issues with something I've done, they've mentioned it, either via AIM or private message.

[embattles.livejournal.com]

Thank you. I don't really have anything constructive to offer, but...This all needs to be said, and thank you for doing so ♥ You guys are a wonderful mod team, and we're lucky to have you.

I sincerely hope that in light of this, the community as a whole will get back on track and move away from the recent rut of pure hostility it's fallen into.

[fiveby-five.livejournal.com]

Does Meebo.com (http://www.meebo.com) work for you? :>

[leon.livejournal.com]

My stance on pamphlets/startours maps/ninja info cards has already been brought up. I think this would become copypasta after a while and might actually detract from any sort of worthwhile cr. To be honest, I don't feel like there is any one solution that we can implement to fix the problem entirely outside of people just being more aware and making more of a consistent effort all around. I'll be trying to tag more introductions, even if Ares might not be the most welcoming or Angel might not be the most riveting cr. I was trying to tag every ooc intro for a while, but there's a pretty constant flow and it gets hard. I guess if everyone made the same sort of effort all the time (myself included) it will be okay if you miss a few because others will be able to pick up the slack. From what I've been reading it sounds like people are open to it and willing to put forth more effort, so things are definitely off to a good start.

I really like the idea of a routine plotting chat/post for people to toss ideas at each other. I don't think there can be any harm in putting these up every mother/every other week. I guess I don't have a lot to add here. This game is a black hole, except in a good way (I ended up being sucked back in, as did a few others if I'm remembering right). I hope that newer people coming in will eventually feel the same way after they've been here a while.

[senri.livejournal.com]

I do agree with that issue with pamphlets and such, and I think I've heard the same complaint at other games - that people feel like just getting thrown a link actually kind of nixes the thread because characters will do that and then be like K DONE and the op mun feels cheated. This is why I feel like an IC welcoming wagon might be a better idea, since it puts the onus on CHARACTERS to be introducing other characters to the game.

I do think that increased awareness will be our best bet in making people feel more welcomed in the game. A pamphlet and some links aren't necessarily bad ideas, but they shouldn't be the be all end all.

[childofhades.livejournal.com]

I don't have anything constructive to add that hasn't already been said, but I wanted to thank you for taking the time to put together this post. I have never before been part of an RP with such a community atmosphere, and I appreciate all the work you do to try and keep it that way.

I have never thought of Paradisa as purposefully unfriendly. I understand the reluctance to welcome new members, because after multiple years it must get boring. I've only been here three months and I already feel that twinge of "Do I really want to comment on that?" when a new person shows up. And a lot of the time I don't, because the character I'm usually logged in as is antisocial and just wouldn't do that. But I have the advantage of being new myself, so I can remember what it feels like to see your first post get totally ignored. And it stinks. When I introduced Nico, two people commented. And one of them was from his canon, so really only one person stepped up to greet me out of this whole big community. And that did not feel good at all. So that goes to show that you really can't rely on other people to do it for you, because no one will end up doing it.

I love this community, and I love all of you guys, and I really wish that we didn't have these problems. But we just get caught in our own routines and it's easy to forget what it felt like when you first got here. I think we could all stand to make a lot more effort, whether it's pamphlets or something else.

[cricketycricket.livejournal.com]

Just weighing in here in addition to +1ing and such ... Jenn, thank you for putting this out here. I ... avoid anoncomm like the plague, so I wasn't even aware that this had gone down, and it makes me really sad to find out that it did. The reason I've stayed here for almost 2 years now is how awesome and nice my fellow players are, after all.

On the subject of newbies ... I love the idea of a monthly new arrival party, but beyond that, I don't have many suggestions - as I'm a little brainfried right now. But I try to shout out to new characters - if I see someone with little to no CR, I throw someone at them.

Also, I CAN see where the cliquey comments are coming from - I've unintentionally sort of gathered up a "group" of people that I tend to have CR with more often ... but that tends to come from being online at the same time as those muns, not out of any sort of ... snootiness, if you catch my drift. There are characters I would LOVE to tag with more, that I'd give my right arm to have stronger CR with ... but it just doesn't work because of when I'm on, sadly.

Also, in a sort of similar IC/OOC welcome wagon vein, I would add one suggestion ... a style guide. I know there's supposed to be one on the Wiki somewhere, but having it featured prominently somewhere would be a fantastic idea. It turns me off a little, sometimes, when I see someone new who isn't writing according to the "Paradisa Manual of Style", because I don't want to be that know-it-all killjoy who jumps in just to say "Hi, welcome, I'm sure your character is awesome, but You're Doing It Wrong".

I guess ... TL;DR? A combination of IC and OOC welcoming seems like it'd be the best fit, but I'm damned if I can figure out what a good configuration of the two would be.

... LONG LIVE PARA. GO EYELESS!

[rainin-blk-ppl.livejournal.com]

Seconded in all regards!

[bogusmagic.livejournal.com]

OH YEAH, and as an aside for people who are averse to infodumping, I bring you links:

One (http://community.livejournal.com/paradisa/11957940.html#cutid1)
Two (http://community.livejournal.com/paradisa/11290932.html)
Three (http://community.livejournal.com/paradisa/10187342.html)
Four (http://community.livejournal.com/paradisa/11165562.html)

If you really don't feel like having your character explain all of that to a new person, there's always the option of telling them to check out these posts. These are just the links I have in Yuki's journal for newbies and references because Yuki would have the page numbers memorized, and I know there are more out there. So anyone else who has some useful journal entries I'd love it if you could post 'em.

[rainin-blk-ppl.livejournal.com]

First and foremost: THANK YOU. That was beautifully put.

I'm saddened to hear that that kind of talk was going on in other comms about us. When talking to potential muns one of the FIRST things I tell them is how nice and welcoming everyone is. Personally, I do my best to welcome new muns and jump in new character posts, but it's hard sometimes given time constraints and whatnot.

I love the idea of the revolving welcoming committee a la daisychain. It takes a lot of the stress of "omgwhatdoIdo?!" off if there's someone to help them along.

I think the idea of a new resident mixer is a great idea. This is especially relevant seeing as there have been a huge amount of new residents recently. Jay's club is open for business and it wouldn't take much to throw together a bash for new residents to come down and party and meet people.

I wasn't able to do much in the HMD this time around (damn my wonky schedule *shakey fist*) But I've been becoming decreasingly enthusiastic about it because of all the drama that's seem to spawn from it the last few times. I'd hate to see the anon feature taken away because people can't stop abusing it. Just because no one knows who you are doesn't mean you can say hurtful things. There's a difference between criticism and constructive criticism.

Anything else I could add has already been said, I just wanted to add my two cents :P

[ascensional.livejournal.com]

Thanks for making this post! I don't really have anything constructive to add, but there have been a lot of awesome ideas suggested here! Sometimes when I see anon hostility to the umpteenth degree I feel a little frightened by our community, but then I see stuff like this and am reminded (hoping at least) that the majority of our comm is full of wonderful people who just occasionally lose their way.

[sparkplasma.livejournal.com]

I don't really understand what all happened, but I just want to say that as a newbie myself, I have felt really really welcome here! So as far as I'm concerned any allegations of unfriendliness are patently false. :)